The Gumshoe Grove

Penny, pointing the way as usual ...

Lee Hazlewood / Nancy Sinatra – “Some Velvet Morning”

I realized the other day that I’ve written scant little about being a dad and all that. I guess I always figured those blogs are boring as SHIT. I don’t read any of those blogs, is what I mean, and so I wouldn’t expect that anyone else would want to read anything I’D have to say on the subject …

Do we really need another blog that talks about changing diapers (it’s funny ’cause it’s poop!), the insecurities of being a parent (oh boo hoo, jesus) and lists of “The Best Parks in ______, Kansas”? I mean WHO GIVES A RAT’s BEHIND?

You’d think after writing the preceding two paragraphs there’s no way in HELL I’d launch into a story about my 28-month-old daughter, but that’s exactly what I’m going to do because I need to get this off my chest: 

Tonight, as I carried Penny off to bed, she unfurled the dirtiest trick she’s wielded yet: She said, “I wanna yisten to yekauds” (translation: “I wanna listen to records.”) … 

This might not seem like a big deal, but if you know me AT ALL you know it’s been the one thing I’ve been waiting for Penelope Purdum to say since she was born. Not “dada” (she said that after like 4 months), not “I love you” (she only deigns to say that to mommy, “sob”), not the lyrics to “Shout at the Devil” (though, now that I write it, that would be AWEsome), but “Daddy, I wanna listen to records.”

My problem with it is, I know Penny fairly well at this point, and she is sneaky AND manipulative when it comes to getting what she wants. She asks my wife for food when it’s bedtime, after eating PLATES of food, just to stay up a little longer while it is being prepared, for example … and that’s just the beginning.

So, in this case, I’m not sure Penny actually wanted to “Listen to yekauds” as much as she wanted to visit upon herself the benefits of getting to stay up late and scream like a banshee ‘come mornin’. That said, she picked the right way to manipulate me; I’ve been waiting for her to grow into tastes for music, art and film …

And, on the surface, she did JUST THAT tonight, and I had to take her to bed anyway because … well here’s where it gets messy. Did I really have to take her to bed?

There’s this part of me that wants her to go to bed at a normal time, live a normal life, eat normal food … then there’s this other part of me that wants to let her stay up with me (I’m a night person, so help me god), sleep crazy-ass hours and eat ice cream.

See, this turned into a SHITTY blog all of a sudden, didn’t it!? That’s what being a parent does to you. But I insist on one thing: Although I did not give into her request on this night, Penny is exposed to more music than most kids, what with thousands of records/CDs/tapes lying around and more instruments than Prince’s jamroom, so all is not lost for wee P-Lo.

So far her favorites are:

• A kids’ song about pepperoni, sung to the tune of “Clementine” (as in “Oh mah darlin’ ” … ); these kids’ artists are NOT good songwriters. They seem to crib all their melodies from the patentless classics …
• Matmos‘ Supreme Balloon, with its childlike swirls of color and balloon-rising-to-the-sky imagery;
• Any oldie; the older the better (“These Boots Were Made For Walkin’ ,” “These Eyes” by The Guess Who);
• She actually doesn’t listen to it, but, isn’t “Some Velvet Morning” a FUCKING-AMAZING song? If you’re reading this you simply MUST click this link and listen; enchanting (indie hero/legend Lee Hazlewood + Nancy Sinatra kick up a lot of oldies dust together);
• Anything involving Panda Bear / Animal Collective (apple never falls too far from the tree, does it?)
• “The Longest Time” by Billy Joel … which does NOT surprise me …
• Finally, I must say she didn’t object when I played Broken Penis Orchesta’s Testicle Difficulties (though I will NEVER show her the cover art), which means she might have a high tolerance for Residents and Negativeland … stay tuned!

Coming later this week: A review of a Ysengrynus cassette, a G-rant about Haiti, an evaluation of the Step Forward: ‘I Wanna Punk Rock,’ The Singles Collection box featuring The Fall, Models, The Cortinas, Chelsea, Sham 69 and The Lemon Kittens AND, last but not least, a full review of the above-mentioned Broken Penis Orchestra’s Testicle Difficulties.

WOW!