[Editor's note: This is NOT the fake band "The Beets" from the Nickelodeon series Doug, whose "albums" included Let it Beet (though that might be cool too because their guitarist was named Flounder) in the '80s. For shits, I included a song of theirs, called "Killer Tofu." Enjoy if you dare ... ]
Just when it seemed like the musty, piano-parlor smell of the garage-rock revival couldn’t get any more crowded, I get The Beets‘ Spit in the Face of People Who Don’t Want to Be Cool (check out “The Devil” from SITFOPWDWTBC there —>) in the mail and realize yet another pure example of nu-punk is set to join an ever-expanding group of fuzz merchants.
Here’s the list so far:
- Ty Segall, Intelligence, Thee Oh Sees (like it or not, John Dwyer kicked this whole Sound off), The Fresh & Onlys, Black Time, Jay Reatard, Tyvek, The Reigning Sound (stay tuned for a review of their latest), Wavves, Black Lips, Psychedelic Horseshit, Vivian Girls and Blank Dogs.
With the list swelling to the size of FUCK-ALL, it’s becoming increasingly important to evaluate who deserves the chance to flop around at the Pool Party and who should be snuffed quicker than Seinfeld post-Seinfeld.
The Beets? They’re soooooo In. Everything about their mellow down-home garage-blues approach is faithful to the shitgaze movement, from their echo-drenched vocals — didn’t Panda Bear co-opt that? — hazy, lazy-eyed arrangements (think swamp-blues; syrup, not water), minimalist rhythm and, spitting in the face of The White Stripes‘ much-copied style a little — a bass player who can walk his instrument home.
The liner notes say these are songs about money, power and regret, and a comic strip involving an executive from Millionaire Records is also included. My conclusion? The Beets desperately, desperately want to be signed to a major label and milked like a throbbing industry teet.
Too bad major labels don’t like good music; TOUGH LUCK, BOYS! Guess you’ll have t’ keep yr dayjobs after all.
Workingman’s rock always works best in painter’s overalls with little white splotches all over, so let’s hope The Beets continue to toil in relative obscurity so we all may continue to benefit from drop-dead fabulous tunes like “Hoy!.”
